sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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