you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
