i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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