The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
