He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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