I must be too annoying 4 u.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
