enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
ttyl tear gas
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
