Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize