i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
