the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
