Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
