omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
