i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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