You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
