I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
