Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
