what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
