I think i peed on brittanys purse
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize