my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
