so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
