She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
