You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
