My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
