Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize