There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
