i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
