I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
