Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
