i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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