you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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