I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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