everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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