did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
