I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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