I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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