it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize