The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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