i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
