I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
