I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize