hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I came so hard my ears popped.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
