Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
