I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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