I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
