I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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