He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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