I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
