from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
