just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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