It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
