Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize