She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
