Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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