He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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