Soap is not a condiment
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
