I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
