They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
