I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize