gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
