I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
