I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
