she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
