He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize