I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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