i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
