so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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