and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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