somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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