WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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