Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She needs sedatives and a leash
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
