im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
