I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
