a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
