i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
