I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
