Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
