gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
